In Which There Is Drabble
by FictionIsSocialInquiry
Summary: One-shots & drabbles covering everything from gen, canon pairing, zutara, angst, hilarity, King Bumi wooing ladies, The Boulder being heckled, sweetness, spirituality, PWP, occasional plot, and much much more.
1. The Honour of a Narrow Waist and Gentle

**Uncle Iroh reminds me of my Nonno (grandfather): smooth with the ladies, full of wisdom and a little (read: a lot) crazy.**

* * *

 **The Honour of a Narrow Waist and Gentle Weight**

There is honour in humbling yourself to defeat, he has told his nephew this. But better than honour is the narrow waist and gentle weight of a beautiful woman — despite her temporary paralysis.

'Uncle? I didn't see you get hit with the tongue.'

Iroh subtly hitched the bounty hunter a little higher onto his chest even as he cracked an eye open to peer at his nephew. 'Shhhh,' he advised, pressing a very un-paralysed finger to his lips.

Ahhh, the sweet, lordly scent of perfume — as it sloshed and dribbled towards them — soaked the lovely Jun where she lay.

'May I just say, you smell as sweet as water lily in bloom?' he whispered to the scowling woman in his arms.


	2. Sokka's Saturday

**Sokka makes my day!**

* * *

 **Sokka's Saturday**

 _Dear Universe. When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge._

The porcupine-fox quill in his privates was one thing. Space sword getting stuck beneath a boulder, the Fire Nation spices in his eyes, and Momo doing his _business_ in Sokka's fanciest shirt was something else entirely.

It _may_ have been a conspiracy.

Momo was definitely in on it. He chose today — of all days, _today_ — to stank up his best shirt.

At least the rose petals were…

'APPA NOOOOOOOO!'

The bison glanced up with a grunt, chewing the painstakingly hand-picked rose petals nonchalantly. As though he _wasn't_ ruining the Water Tribe warriors super romantic — but also very manly — mood setting.

Sokka had been in Appa's mouth enough times to know it was a much more pleasant experience after the sky bison had chowed down on something that smelled pretty.

'Blehhh! Give them back!'

Appa merely dribbled the boy onto the ground and licked him from head to toe.

Sokka's eye twitched. 'Aang!'

The airbender dropped from Appa's saddle. 'Sorry, Sokka. Appa's got good taste, I guess!'

Sokka groaned and gestured to the half-eaten trail of petals. 'Aang! I'm trying to create a moment here! Take _this_ traitor—' the slowly purring lemur '—and _this_... admittedly fragrant fluffy snot monster, and get out of here!'

Appa grumbled but spat a sticky wad of semi-chewed petals at Sokka's feet, eyeing the boy smugly.

Sokka poked the bison between his eyes. 'You'll get yours, buddy…'

'Alright, alright, that's enough you two.' Aang flapped his arms soothingly. 'You need to calm down. This will be a night you and Suki will remember for your whole lives together. You should approach it with love in your heart.'

'Now a twelve-year-old is telling me how to propose to my girlfriend…' Sokka's palm left a red mark where it slapped loudly against his forehead. 'This is not how I pictured I'd be spending my Saturday night!'

Appa grunted a series of grumbles. 'Appa's right, Sokka: you've got this.'

Sokka sighed but smiled sardonically. 'Thanks, Aang.'


	3. Secrets of the Dragon of the West

**I** _ **wish**_ **this was canon. Iroh as Zuko's dad is heart-warming!**

* * *

 **Secrets of the Dragon of the West**

It was a brief handful of happiness, years ago, coloured with fear and uncertainty.

 _She shivers when he clutches the back of her neck and sighs against his lips._

Iroh spent many of those years wondering — _hoping_ — about Zuko… and regretful hours agonising over Azula. Would the girl have turned out differently had she been born to her uncle?

 _There's a ticklish spot in the hollow where her thigh meets her hip._

An old man has his regrets and his shame. Iroh wears his like a cloak; close around him.

 _Her eyes squeeze closed when the dragon coils and springs._

Iroh watches her son serve the Avatar tea in Ba Sing Se. Zuko has Ursa's smile. Zuko has Iroh's eyes.


	4. Persistence Jing

**Depending on my schedule, this may or may not become a mini-series… drabble word count doesn't do justice to the hilarity that it King Bumi.**

* * *

 **Persistence Jing**

Katara staggered through the mess of gifts. Rock crystals carved with hearts, flowers from around Omashu, exotic birds imported specially from the Fire Nation… Presents meant to woo her.

'No, I told you!' she muttered, frowning at the fifteenth marriage proposal poem in her hand. One for each year of her life, Bumi had said.

The master bender's latest scheme was to leave a legacy of himself, an heir.

Which is where Katara came into the equation.

He wanted a wife.

The door opened; a cackle slipped into the room.

'How do you like the rock crystals, my love?' the wizened king asked, grinning broadly.

Katara's brow twitched. 'Next time you're trying to convince someone to marry you, maybe don't give them the same crystals you _once tried to kill them with!'_

Bumi threw his head back, laughing. 'More parrots! Good choice, my love!'

'No!' Katara shouted, outraged. 'Bumi! No!'


	5. The Blind Heckler

**The Blind Heckler**

'The Boulder no longer fights for other's entertainment. He has told the Blind Bandit this before and wonders: why does she feel the need to battle?'

'Suck it up or chicken out, Boulder!'

'Are they The Boulder's only options?'

' _Jeez_ , I didn't realise getting married would make The Boulder such a _pebble_.'

'… The Blind Bandit's words cut as deep as her earth disks.'

'What's it gonna be, muscles?'

'The Boulder has discovered the Air Nomad ways of pacifism and encourages the Blind Bandit—'

'When did she take your stones, pebble?

…

'YOU'RE GOING DOWN IN A LANDSLIDE OF PAIN!'

'Finally!'


	6. The Family Jewels: Twice Scarred

**This is a two-part drabble in collaboration with misszeldasayre. She's written a stunningly brilliant companion piece to this from Iroh's POV. You should most definitely go check it out!**

* * *

 **Twice Scarred**

 _Relax?_

Zuko didn't do "relaxed."

'The temperature's just right.' His uncle's face was slack as a koala sloth. 'I heated it myself.'

Azula wouldn't stand for this. Azula would be terrifying and commanding, with a healthy dose of menace.

'Enough!' Good, very Azula! 'We need to leave now.' _He_ is the Fire Prince! His uncle _will_ listen to him. 'Get out of the water!'

It worked. 'Very well.'

Stretching his arms above his head, Uncle stood…

No.

No no no no nononononononononono—

'On second thought, why don't you take another few minutes?' Zuko wasn't sure which scar was worse: the one marring his eye or the mental scarring of his naked uncle emblazoned on the back of his eyelids. 'But be back at the ship in a half-hour or I'm leaving without you!'

Could fire bending sterilise a mind?

 _Agni, help me…_


	7. I Didn't Set Us on Fire

**I Didn't Set Us on Fire**

All in all, when they stop running and the ground is solid beneath their feet, no one has been hurt in any permanent way. Well, none among their group.

'What,' Sokka demands through a stich, cardiac arrest, and a pronounced wheeze, 'in the name of circling koi was that about?!'

Oh, but Katara knows. _She's_ known the culprit for what he is all along. 'Ask _him_ ,' she snarls around the hole in her lungs where air should be.

'What?! I just saved our lives!' the firebender exclaims. It's not untrue. It's not entire correct either, but mostly its accurate.

'You almost set us on fire!'

'But I didn't!'

Aang scratches the back of his head. 'He has a point, Kat—'

' _He has a what now—?!'_

The boy turns speedily to his firebending teacher. 'Er… you really shouldn't be setting market stalls we're trying to hide behind on fire, Zuko.'

The banished prince throws his hands into the air. ' _Fine then!_ '

As he's storming away, Toph neglects to mention the soldiers approaching from that direction. She figures the guy needs to let off some steam anyhow.


	8. Ambitions of Delusions of Grandeur

_**Guest: Great drabbles! Can you do one with Zhao?**_

 **Why yes, Guestie, yes I can indeed. feat. Zhao's ships, Sokka quips, and water whips.**

* * *

 **Ambitions of Delusions of Grandeur**

The wall of fire at his feet — _his_ fire — must have cast him a wickedly superior glow if the expressions of his subordinates are anything to go by. Brought up the ranks of his ambition to this most exalted position… He. Is. _Zhao_.

'All hail the honourable Admiral Zhao!' the ship commander calls.

'Zhao!' the troops chant. 'Zhao! Zhao!'

Yes! _He_ is the day breaking through the night. _He_ is the dawning of the Fire Nation's victory in the north. _He_ is—

Out of wine.

'You,' he snaps at the cadet or wine-server or slave. He can't quite make out the uniform under the shimmering haze of his promotion celebrations. Or the copious alcohol. Perhaps both.

He tries again. 'Your Supreme Admiral requires you cefill his rup.'

Still and silent in the air vent above the new Admiral's throne-like seat, the Blue Spirit mimes vomiting. _Supreme Admiral_ …

\- o -

Aunt Wu gasps. 'But you… you are all in grave danger!'

'Uh huh.' (That's Sokka.)

'Danger? From who?' (With a righteous elbow in her brother's sarcastic side, that's Katara.)

Aunt Wu gasps again.

'There is a man, an enemy, hell bent on not only your destruction—' Aang's, of course '—but also the annihilation of _your_ people!'

'Who's people?'

Aunt Wu's finger pokes him between the eyes. 'Yours, oaf.'

Katara's joined the fortune teller's gasp train. Aang looks very, _very_ uneasy.

Meanwhile, Aunt Wu's gasps are now putting her at risk of asphyxiation.

'Let me guess,' the Only-One-with-Any-Sense-Anymore interjects in his best most sarcastic drawl. 'Admiral Zhao? Big sideburns, even bigger temper.'

The bones in the fire snap, crackle, and pop. A shard splitters free and embeds itself in the Water Tribe boy's cheek.

'Damn you, The Universe!'

\- o -

Zhao sends the world into a moonless night and calls himself Moon Slayer. Conqueror. Invincible.

But a princess of water dies and the moon rises again.

The Ocean Spirit is pissed. It whips the Admiral into its depths and drowns him for his troubles.

* * *

 **The Ocean Spirit** _ **was**_ **pretty pissed…**


End file.
